Hello everyone, how are all of you doing? I hope all is well in your world. Well today I am going to talk about how I handled my marriage ending. So here we go.
The beginning of November was not good. My then wife told me she was not sure if she was in-love with me. I did not take that to well, that night I ended up sitting on the railroad tracks hoping the train would run my ass over and end my miserable life. While I sat there my emotions were mixed part of me new I should stay alive for my family, but its sad to say that didn't matter to me. I wanted to end my life over my lovely ex-wife not loving me. What kind of person does that make me? Human, someone with a mental illness that don't know how to deal with bs like that.
Well this angel in a white SUV called the cops on me, needless to say the cops in this town surrounded me, two cops, two sheriff and two state troopers, wow is all i can say. For the most part that is not the best way to deal with me, because i hate cops. The funny part is the cop that dealt with me was the cop i hated the most. For the first time that this guy has dealt with me he was actually nice to me. LOL i wasn't so nice to him though, i tried to be defiant. He told me that he wanted me to go to the hospital and i told him i didn't want to and what was he going to do to me. He was very straight forward with me and told me i wouldn't like what they would have to do. So i ended up going and getting some help.
Unfortunately it didn't do anything for my marriage it ended two weeks later. I have now been divorced for a month and a half. And it is really hard to deal with sometimes. Going to bed alone is probably one of the hardest to deal with. I have cried and and been depressed, angry, i have hated her, been man at her. And do to mental health issues i want to hurt her. But with help from family and my mental health workers and my dear friends i have been able to deal with it. They have me on anti-psychotic meds that help me with my moods and mind. So that really helps. I am doing better now, and life is not as bad. I am making it day by day.
I want to say thank you to my sister and my brother in law for all they have done for me. I wouldn't of been able to do it without you. THANK YOU
I hope you all have a good night. Sorry i didn't write more on mental health.
Dustin
Monday, January 13, 2014
Monday, December 17, 2012
Ignorance to mental health
How is everyone doing today? I hope all is well.
I am writing about mental health yet again. That good cause I know about it. I am so tired of seeing people post stuff on facebook and the comments on yahoo about people with mental health issues are not safe to have in society and that basically they don't know how to control themselves because they are mentally ill. That is just plain ignorance. And has no place being said.
I can say with a certainty that every person making or thinking that comment either has a mental illness (may not be diagnosed) or knows someone with one. But we don't see them going out and killing people or doing some other kind of criminal behavior. For the most part people with a mental illness have more of a tendency to do self-destructive behavior. (This means to themselves and not to others.) They are more likely to cut or hurt themselves, go on binge spending or other binge activities. Drinking or doing drugs, Hiding away like a hermit. Talk to them selves. Ruin relationships (see my other post). Things like this. But what most people don't know is people with mental health issues live somewhat normal life's when they are on there medications or using there support systems. They are normal and you for the most part would never know they lived with a mental illness if they didn't tell you.
Before people make the stereotype that all people with mental health problems are killers or criminals you should really do your research. There have been many presidents, senators, politicians, Actors, Authors, Kings, and influential people that live with a mental health problem. Not only that your friends your family, your banker, etc, live with it so do your research and learn about it.
No more secrets
No more stigma
Dustin
I am writing about mental health yet again. That good cause I know about it. I am so tired of seeing people post stuff on facebook and the comments on yahoo about people with mental health issues are not safe to have in society and that basically they don't know how to control themselves because they are mentally ill. That is just plain ignorance. And has no place being said.
I can say with a certainty that every person making or thinking that comment either has a mental illness (may not be diagnosed) or knows someone with one. But we don't see them going out and killing people or doing some other kind of criminal behavior. For the most part people with a mental illness have more of a tendency to do self-destructive behavior. (This means to themselves and not to others.) They are more likely to cut or hurt themselves, go on binge spending or other binge activities. Drinking or doing drugs, Hiding away like a hermit. Talk to them selves. Ruin relationships (see my other post). Things like this. But what most people don't know is people with mental health issues live somewhat normal life's when they are on there medications or using there support systems. They are normal and you for the most part would never know they lived with a mental illness if they didn't tell you.
Before people make the stereotype that all people with mental health problems are killers or criminals you should really do your research. There have been many presidents, senators, politicians, Actors, Authors, Kings, and influential people that live with a mental health problem. Not only that your friends your family, your banker, etc, live with it so do your research and learn about it.
No more secrets
No more stigma
Dustin
Saturday, December 15, 2012
mental health and the murders
How is everyone doing? Good I hope. I am writing this because of the recent event that have happen in this nation. The main reason the murders of those innocent children and the teachers.
You know the whole nation, maybe not the whole but a good part of the nation thinks that the man who did that did it because he has mental health issues. But you know what that is a cop out that is a way to try and explain what he did, and why he did it but when it comes down to it. It is just not true. When it comes down to it. If you think about it he killed his mother first, the report said that his mother was rigid. He had issues with his mother and then took it out on her students. It was wrong either way but it still had nothing to do with mental health. When it comes down to it he felt his mom payed more attention to the students then him and he hated her and the students for that.
Why he resorted to what he did only he will know. We never will. It has nothing to do with mental health and all to do with his own choices. Millions of people in the world have mental health issues. 1 in 2 people suffer from a serious mental illness 1 in 4 know someone in there lifetime with a serious mental illness. So to say that he did that because he had a mental illness is wrong and stereo typing the rest of us. If you think otherwise or you agree then please comment.
You know the whole nation, maybe not the whole but a good part of the nation thinks that the man who did that did it because he has mental health issues. But you know what that is a cop out that is a way to try and explain what he did, and why he did it but when it comes down to it. It is just not true. When it comes down to it. If you think about it he killed his mother first, the report said that his mother was rigid. He had issues with his mother and then took it out on her students. It was wrong either way but it still had nothing to do with mental health. When it comes down to it he felt his mom payed more attention to the students then him and he hated her and the students for that.
Why he resorted to what he did only he will know. We never will. It has nothing to do with mental health and all to do with his own choices. Millions of people in the world have mental health issues. 1 in 2 people suffer from a serious mental illness 1 in 4 know someone in there lifetime with a serious mental illness. So to say that he did that because he had a mental illness is wrong and stereo typing the rest of us. If you think otherwise or you agree then please comment.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wonderful Surprise
Hey folks,
It has been awhile since I posted. But this occasion is a tough one because I am fighting for right or wrong. I will tell you the situation.
My wife and I moved to a new town and have become homeless due to things going wrong. The lovely folks at the local drop in center helped us out and did a fund raiser for us. Then people stepped up to give us a place to stay. Well we decided to stay with the coordinator of the drop in. here is the issue and i want you all to post your opinion on this and tell the county and the company what you think is right or myself at that matter. I will leave names out because it is not legal for one. but here it goes.
While we were staying with this person was using drugs and selling her pills. Alright here is my view. I turned this person into county and the employer. They will not do anything about it because it happen in this persons house and not at the drop in. The problem is this when you are a person in power working with vulnerable adults that are in recovery. you cannot have a person like that running a place. it is my friends and family that use this place and all i want to do is protect them.
What do you all think please leave a comment
Thanks
It has been awhile since I posted. But this occasion is a tough one because I am fighting for right or wrong. I will tell you the situation.
My wife and I moved to a new town and have become homeless due to things going wrong. The lovely folks at the local drop in center helped us out and did a fund raiser for us. Then people stepped up to give us a place to stay. Well we decided to stay with the coordinator of the drop in. here is the issue and i want you all to post your opinion on this and tell the county and the company what you think is right or myself at that matter. I will leave names out because it is not legal for one. but here it goes.
While we were staying with this person was using drugs and selling her pills. Alright here is my view. I turned this person into county and the employer. They will not do anything about it because it happen in this persons house and not at the drop in. The problem is this when you are a person in power working with vulnerable adults that are in recovery. you cannot have a person like that running a place. it is my friends and family that use this place and all i want to do is protect them.
What do you all think please leave a comment
Thanks
Monday, April 23, 2012
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
Hello Everyone, this is my sixth blog I love doing this but sometimes it is so hard to find something to write about, until it HITS you in the face. Today we are going to talk about Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). For those of you who do not know what that is, basically it is a rage disorder, it fits in with Impulse Control Disorder(ICD). Which I also have. These Two almost always go hand in hand.
So let me tell you why I decided to write about this, I woke up this lovely morning with trash torn up throughout my house, Sam and I's 6 month old black lab decided to throw trash around the apartment, and at five o'clock this morning he wakes me up by tearing up something and I turn on the light and see the disastrous mess around our small apartment. Not only that he tore out the bottom of my boot.
I need to explain something else to you, I have not officially been diagnosed with PTSD, but they believe i have it. So I have to explain the spectrum for a second. "Normal" people wake up in between irritated and angry, for the most part when you have PTSD you wake up between anger and rage. Now you combine this with IED and Bipolar you have one angry person.
Now back to the story, When I woke up to that mess, I was so angry I want to kill my dog, I wanted to to beat the living crap out of him. My rage was boiling my blood. I was seeing hughs of red I was so angry. It pissed me off even more that my fiance didn't help pick it up( after I calmed down I was not mad at her, she has picked the mess up a few times without me doing it). But when I am already that angry, then I am mad at everyone. When I am that angry I normally punch walls, which does not solve anything. Trust me I know I have broke my hand in the same spot because of my temper. Anyways I grab the dog and tossed him into the bathroom so he was out of my site, and jumped on the computer. I went onto facebook for awhile and was thinking about my next blog, when it dawned on me, so now I am writing this in hopes that it will help others.
I am going to give some statistics on IED and try and find some coping skill to deal with your explosive rage. Some of it will be from my experience and some will be from the net. Hope this helps you in one way or the other. Or I hope that you will learn something and put it to use to spread the word.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (This information comes off of the NIMH website)
IED affects more then 7.3% of adults that is 11.5-16 million Americans — in their lifetimes
To be diagnosed with IED, an individual must have had three episodes of impulsive aggressiveness "grossly out of proportion to any precipitating psychosocial stressor," at any time in their life, according to the standard psychiatric diagnostic manual. The person must have "all of a sudden lost control and broke or smashed something worth more than a few dollars…hit or tried to hurt someone…or threatened to hit or hurt someone."
People who had three such episodes within the space of one year — a more narrowly defined subgroup — were found to have a much more persistent and severe disorder, particularly if they attacked both people and property. The latter group caused 3.5 times more property damage than other violent IED sub-groups. Affecting nearly 4 percent of adults within any given year — 5.9-8.5 million Americans — the disorder leads to a mean of 43 attacks over the course of a lifetime and is associated with substantial functional impairment.
Now let's talk coping skills. The first one I am going to give you is my favorite. I just learned it last month. I swear by this. You can use it for more then just this you can use it for any crisis that comes up.
It is called a WRAP(Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Basically it is an action Plan to deal with the episodes you may go through. Now you can use this for anything. I am going to give you the first step in the plan.
Step One-
Wellness Toolbox
This is a list of things you have done in the past, or could do, to help yourself stay well; and , things you could do to help yourself feel better when you are not doing well. You will use these "tools" to develop your own WRAP. You will want a three ring binder for this and this would go in the front of the book.
Now that you have this "toolbox" when you are getting angry I want you to reffer to it, the stuff on there should not be violent, or cost anything.
I will give a short list for an example. This is stuff that I do when I am angry.
1. Sit back and think about it- why am I mad, what would happen if i got violent or yelled
2. Go for a walk.
2. Play a game
3.Talk with sam or friends
Now this is just a short list, it can be as short as you want it or as long as you want it.
Now another thing you can do to combat your rage is go to anger management, it works for some people but not all but I would still recomend it for anyone. Going and exercising is a good coping skill it is a great way to get rid of that anger.
Well I gave you a few things you can do. I hope it works.
Please feel free to leave comments about this article or if you want me to research something. I am always up for learning.
Dustin P.
No More Secrets
No More Stigma
We are all People
So let me tell you why I decided to write about this, I woke up this lovely morning with trash torn up throughout my house, Sam and I's 6 month old black lab decided to throw trash around the apartment, and at five o'clock this morning he wakes me up by tearing up something and I turn on the light and see the disastrous mess around our small apartment. Not only that he tore out the bottom of my boot.
I need to explain something else to you, I have not officially been diagnosed with PTSD, but they believe i have it. So I have to explain the spectrum for a second. "Normal" people wake up in between irritated and angry, for the most part when you have PTSD you wake up between anger and rage. Now you combine this with IED and Bipolar you have one angry person.
Now back to the story, When I woke up to that mess, I was so angry I want to kill my dog, I wanted to to beat the living crap out of him. My rage was boiling my blood. I was seeing hughs of red I was so angry. It pissed me off even more that my fiance didn't help pick it up( after I calmed down I was not mad at her, she has picked the mess up a few times without me doing it). But when I am already that angry, then I am mad at everyone. When I am that angry I normally punch walls, which does not solve anything. Trust me I know I have broke my hand in the same spot because of my temper. Anyways I grab the dog and tossed him into the bathroom so he was out of my site, and jumped on the computer. I went onto facebook for awhile and was thinking about my next blog, when it dawned on me, so now I am writing this in hopes that it will help others.
I am going to give some statistics on IED and try and find some coping skill to deal with your explosive rage. Some of it will be from my experience and some will be from the net. Hope this helps you in one way or the other. Or I hope that you will learn something and put it to use to spread the word.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (This information comes off of the NIMH website)
IED affects more then 7.3% of adults that is 11.5-16 million Americans — in their lifetimes
To be diagnosed with IED, an individual must have had three episodes of impulsive aggressiveness "grossly out of proportion to any precipitating psychosocial stressor," at any time in their life, according to the standard psychiatric diagnostic manual. The person must have "all of a sudden lost control and broke or smashed something worth more than a few dollars…hit or tried to hurt someone…or threatened to hit or hurt someone."
People who had three such episodes within the space of one year — a more narrowly defined subgroup — were found to have a much more persistent and severe disorder, particularly if they attacked both people and property. The latter group caused 3.5 times more property damage than other violent IED sub-groups. Affecting nearly 4 percent of adults within any given year — 5.9-8.5 million Americans — the disorder leads to a mean of 43 attacks over the course of a lifetime and is associated with substantial functional impairment.
Now let's talk coping skills. The first one I am going to give you is my favorite. I just learned it last month. I swear by this. You can use it for more then just this you can use it for any crisis that comes up.
It is called a WRAP(Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Basically it is an action Plan to deal with the episodes you may go through. Now you can use this for anything. I am going to give you the first step in the plan.
Step One-
Wellness Toolbox
This is a list of things you have done in the past, or could do, to help yourself stay well; and , things you could do to help yourself feel better when you are not doing well. You will use these "tools" to develop your own WRAP. You will want a three ring binder for this and this would go in the front of the book.
Now that you have this "toolbox" when you are getting angry I want you to reffer to it, the stuff on there should not be violent, or cost anything.
I will give a short list for an example. This is stuff that I do when I am angry.
1. Sit back and think about it- why am I mad, what would happen if i got violent or yelled
2. Go for a walk.
2. Play a game
3.Talk with sam or friends
Now this is just a short list, it can be as short as you want it or as long as you want it.
Now another thing you can do to combat your rage is go to anger management, it works for some people but not all but I would still recomend it for anyone. Going and exercising is a good coping skill it is a great way to get rid of that anger.
Well I gave you a few things you can do. I hope it works.
Please feel free to leave comments about this article or if you want me to research something. I am always up for learning.
Dustin P.
No More Secrets
No More Stigma
We are all People
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Parents Living With Mental Illness
Hello again,
I was having a hard time today trying to figure out a topic for this blog. I am running out of ideas so if you have one tell me and I will research it. But back to the blog and the story I was telling you. My beautiful fiance has been having a bad day today and I have been trying to get it out of her. Well anyways we were at a womans expo today for Nami and the Crisis line. We were there for like four hours so we came home and took a nap, I was hoping it would help her, but it didn't. I have been giving her the space she needed, but I was starting to feel like I did something wrong, so I asked her to come sit next to me and tell me what was going on, and at first she told me she did not know. Well I asked her again and she told me about a dream she had, and it was one where she was a bad mom, she is scared that she will not be a good mom when the time comes. I talk to her for a bit and told her when the time comes she will be a great mom, but that gave me an idea for my blog. After all I am a Parent with a mental illness. So here is my whole thing about this most of it is coming from the internet. I will put my two cents in, here and there. Hope it is informational. I will put in a couple of links for you to take a look at and hope it helps. Dustin P.
Having a mental illness and raising kids can be a very stressful situation. Sometimes when we are having one of out episodes, we do things we really shoudn't do like hit our kids. I have not done this as of yet and don't plan on it but, it still scares me knowing it could happen.
Depending on what you have been diagnosed with, is somewhat going to determin how you relate with your children, unfortunately some of them, you have a lack of emotion, or a loss of reality, living a reckless life style, some people cope with there mental illness with drugs and alcohol, now all this stuff affects our children, some in bad ways some in good. But most of the time badly if the parent is not getting help and learning to cope with there mental illness.
Growing up my parents excluding my real mom( my step dad and step mom) they are the ones that raised me or at least that is what they called it. They had a lot of issues and I don't know if they were ever diagnosed with anything but I know they did. They both had there issues and I was the one that got the blunt and of the stick. There actions and how they dealt with there issues was very poorly decided, what they did effected me in many ways, but the biggest is with my mental illnesses. They did not know how to cope and they hurt me in so many ways that by doing what they did helped bring forth my mental illnesses, not all there fault but a good part.( I know some people will argue the last statement, it is only my opinioin)
If you are a parent with a Mental illness you need to get help and learn how to cope with it. If you do not do it for you at least do it for your kids. They are our future lets give them the best chance we can. I also want all that is reading this to listen to me. Just because we live with a mental illness does not mean we are bad parent or that we are going to be bad parents. I have met some wonderful parents that have mental illnesses and I would want to learn from them.
Here are some links to some website to help you on your way to being a Good Parent with Mental Illnesses.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/family/2009/12/parents-with-mental-illness
www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Family-to-Family&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=4&ContentID=32973
These are only 2 there are many out there. You all can be good parents
NO MORE SECRETS
NO MORE STIGMA
DUSTIN P.
I was having a hard time today trying to figure out a topic for this blog. I am running out of ideas so if you have one tell me and I will research it. But back to the blog and the story I was telling you. My beautiful fiance has been having a bad day today and I have been trying to get it out of her. Well anyways we were at a womans expo today for Nami and the Crisis line. We were there for like four hours so we came home and took a nap, I was hoping it would help her, but it didn't. I have been giving her the space she needed, but I was starting to feel like I did something wrong, so I asked her to come sit next to me and tell me what was going on, and at first she told me she did not know. Well I asked her again and she told me about a dream she had, and it was one where she was a bad mom, she is scared that she will not be a good mom when the time comes. I talk to her for a bit and told her when the time comes she will be a great mom, but that gave me an idea for my blog. After all I am a Parent with a mental illness. So here is my whole thing about this most of it is coming from the internet. I will put my two cents in, here and there. Hope it is informational. I will put in a couple of links for you to take a look at and hope it helps. Dustin P.
Having a mental illness and raising kids can be a very stressful situation. Sometimes when we are having one of out episodes, we do things we really shoudn't do like hit our kids. I have not done this as of yet and don't plan on it but, it still scares me knowing it could happen.
Depending on what you have been diagnosed with, is somewhat going to determin how you relate with your children, unfortunately some of them, you have a lack of emotion, or a loss of reality, living a reckless life style, some people cope with there mental illness with drugs and alcohol, now all this stuff affects our children, some in bad ways some in good. But most of the time badly if the parent is not getting help and learning to cope with there mental illness.
Growing up my parents excluding my real mom( my step dad and step mom) they are the ones that raised me or at least that is what they called it. They had a lot of issues and I don't know if they were ever diagnosed with anything but I know they did. They both had there issues and I was the one that got the blunt and of the stick. There actions and how they dealt with there issues was very poorly decided, what they did effected me in many ways, but the biggest is with my mental illnesses. They did not know how to cope and they hurt me in so many ways that by doing what they did helped bring forth my mental illnesses, not all there fault but a good part.( I know some people will argue the last statement, it is only my opinioin)
If you are a parent with a Mental illness you need to get help and learn how to cope with it. If you do not do it for you at least do it for your kids. They are our future lets give them the best chance we can. I also want all that is reading this to listen to me. Just because we live with a mental illness does not mean we are bad parent or that we are going to be bad parents. I have met some wonderful parents that have mental illnesses and I would want to learn from them.
Here are some links to some website to help you on your way to being a Good Parent with Mental Illnesses.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/family/2009/12/parents-with-mental-illness
www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Family-to-Family&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=4&ContentID=32973
These are only 2 there are many out there. You all can be good parents
NO MORE SECRETS
NO MORE STIGMA
DUSTIN P.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The effect of Mental illness In Relationships
Today is a special day, because i am not the only one writing this blog. My wonderful fiance is going to talk about the difficulties she has with me do to my Mental illnesses. I will also put some statistics in and some professional input from the Internet.
This is going to get a little personal for me because I have to tell you about my personal relationships. So here it goes.
This is from my side of the story, my fiance will tell you hers later.
Two years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, and Borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately these disorders, have negative effects on my relationships, and they have a tendency to play off of each other. Let me say this before I go on with the story. I love Sam with all of my heart and soul, and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.
With the bipolar disorder, my moods switch alot from highs to lows, from depressed to happy, and happy to anger, and so on. I try not to take out anything on Sam but when i am going through an episode, I say or do things that make Sam feel bad, or that she did something wrong, and she hasn't. And honestly I don't try to but this does happen and it happens alot. Not only that but, I tend to do stupid things when I go through my episodes, some of the things I do is spending sprees, not sleeping, self-injurious behaviors(I use Sam's hand and arm for that, normally just playing around. But it makes her feel bad) when we had a car, Road rage, crazy driving. she deals with my suicide ideation that i have do to this. It goes on and on.
As for my Borderline, that brings in a whole different problem. And I hate to admit this, and Sam knows this. Now listen up, I love Sam and I know with my heart and logical mind that she would never do this. However my borderline side says, Sam is cheating on me, she does not love me, she is plotting against me, she thinks i am fat and ugly, that i am a screw up, why am i with him. I can find someone better. The worst part for me is this I love Sam with all my heart and soul, and I trust Sam, but only to a certain extent, some has to do with the illness and some has to do with the past.
One of the symptoms that come with bpd is you rush into relationships, and we did. But for us it worked. It is a daily struggle, we fight and she is willing to learn about it and do whatever it takes to make it work.
Another thing I have noticed, that I do, is sometimes I have a hard time validating her feelings, because to me the things she is going through is not a problem. In my head I am thinking you haven't seen anything. Try walking in my shoe's in the past then come talk to me. But I have come to realize with the help of the people that help me and in my research, that it may not be a big deal to me, but to Sam it is. I have to remember to validate her feelings. This is really hard for me sometimes because for the most part I have a lack of feelings, I don't feel things the way "normal" people do. So it is a struggle and a strain, but we still push through it. We love each other and I know that.
Now Sam is going to take over, and after she is done I will put in what professional say, I will not put the statistics down because I don't like the negative. Well here she is.
This part is written by Sam
Hello!!
I'm Sam as you all know and found out. I have only three mental illnesses. They are Depression, Anxiety and ADHD. To me they aren't as major as what Dustin has but they are still up there.
Living with someone that has Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder is a daily struggle. As Dustin said it has its ups and downs. Especially when Dustin gets into his moods. I am still learning when he is in his moods. I learned so far that when he is quiet he is either thinking or in one of his depressed stages, either A) I leave him alone to think or B) Find out what is going on and try to talk to him. Now when he is Angry i know just to let him think it through and than when he is done thinking it through that he will come talk to me about it.
With Dustin's Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is honestly something I don't like. I hate knowing that he thinks that I don't want him, that I don't love him, that he think that I think he looks ugly (which he doesn't, he looks very handsome to me!!). Some days I have to remind him of that and I have no problem telling him that I am never going to leave him and that he looks handsome. We have a thing we say to each other and it is "Your stuck with me!" but one of us always replies "I'm not stuck its willing!" For me that always makes me smile and it does the same for him. I try my best to make sure he knows that I am not going anywhere and that I love him and only him.
I know that he doesn't try to hurt me (nothing is ever physical hurt, just so you know) but sometimes the things that he says or the acting that he does hurts me and I don't like it but i also have to realize that it is a part of his mental illnesses. When he sees the look on my face that I get when he says something that hurts me he know right away that that wasn't the thing to say. To be honest I am a person that does get hurt easily because I take things seriously sometimes and I take it personal. Like when he is mad at the dog perhaps and I ask him something and he kind of snaps at me. Its not that I did anything wrong but its because he was/is angry at the dog.
It isn't easy living with someone that has both BPD and Bipolar. Its a daily struggle and with me my depression doesn't help. There are days that I just want to stay home and not face the world because of it and Dustin wants to go do something but I make him sad when I tell him I don't want to go with or don't want to go period. I don't like making him feel bad because I am always scared that I will put him in his state of depression and I honestly don't want to do that. I like it when he is happy and smiling. There are also days that I have that are like Dustin's. I will have days that I have to be reminded on why he is with me because I think that there is someone better than me, someone that is more experienced in the mental health field than I am and he could relate better with, someone that is prettier than me, smarter than me and so on and so on.
But Dustin and I (i think) balance each other out enough to where its not a easy relationship but its not hard either. I love Dustin with all my heart and I know that he loves me.
If you are willing to work on the relationship and not give up on it, then it just might work out like Dustin and I. It is possible because we work on it every day, we are going to counseling and we are just taking it one day at a time.
Sam is right, we have to take this one day at a time, when you live with someone that is bpd or bipolar it is a struggle. But don't give up there is hope with love, and alot of hard work, and counseling it can work.
I am going to give you some stuff from professionals just to put some stuff in prospective. Here it is....
This is from about.com
BPD relationships are often chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden. This can be especially true for romantic BPD relationships. Many people have been hurt in their romantic relationships with borderline personality partners, but others have found a way to make the relationships work.
If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you need to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. If you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your romantic relationships.
To learn more about the variety of ways that BPD can affect all kinds of relationships, see this article titled “Borderline Relationships: Understand the Impact of BPD Symptoms.”
Research has also shown that BPD symptoms are associated with a greater number of romantic relationships over time, and a higher incidence of unplanned pregnancies in women. Individuals with BPD also tend to have more former partners and tend to terminate more relationships in their social networks than patients without personality disorders — this suggests that romantic relationships with people with BPD are more likely to end in a break up.
It is important to note, however, that these types of problems are not exclusive to BPD. People with many different types of personality disorder symptoms report problems in their romantic relationships. However, it is clear that people with BPD struggle in their romantic relationships.
In addition, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD talk about how fun, exciting, and passionate a BPD partner can be. Many people are drawn to a BPD partner precisely because people with BPD have intense emotions and strong desire for intimacy.
Research has shown that women with BPD have more negative attitudes about sex, are more likely to feel pressured into having sex by their partner, and are more ambivalent about sex, than women without BPD. Unfortunately no research has been done on sexuality in men with BPD.
This honeymoon period can be very exciting for the new partner too. After all, it is really nice to have someone feel so strongly about you, and to feel as if you are needed.
Problems start to arise, however, when reality sets in. When a person with BPD realizes that their new partner is not faultless, that image of the perfect (idealized) soul mate can come crashing down. Because people with BPD struggle with dichotomous thinking, or seeing things only in black and white, they can have trouble recognizing the fact that most people make mistakes even when they mean well. As a result, they may quickly go from idealization to devaluation (or thinking that their partner is a horrible person).
The key to maintaining a relationship with someone with BPD is to find ways to cope with these cycles (and to encourage your BPD partner to get professional help to reduce these cycles). Sometimes partners in a BPD relationships are helped by couples therapy.
The effects of bipolar disorder in relationships
Created on: August 27, 2010 Last Updated: February 24, 2011
It would be very idealistic and oversimplified to say that a relationship with a person with bi-polar disorder is the same as having a relationship with a non-afflicted person, but this is not the case. Bi-polar disorder brings with it a myriad of symptoms which tend to complicate communications. The manic highs or more prevalent depressed lows can be misunderstood for problems within the relationship unless both parties remember and remind each other that bipolar disorder plays havoc with moods and may be the cause of onset of discord. Whether the relationship is professional, platonic, or intimate, it may possibly be touched in every aspect by issues brought on by bi-polar disorder, even if the affected party is medicated and stable.
A real friend must understand that the potent cocktail of medications the bipolar person takes has usually been constructed over years or months especially for him or her. These medications may seem like a stumbling block, in that the person with bipolar-disorder may be sleepy frequently or, unfortunately, may experience symptoms such as weight gain or a lack of energy. The patient is aware of these side effects, too, if he is having them, and he definitely hates feeling like that more than you hate seeing him that way. But consider the trade off he has been willing to make; the mental anguish that would drive a person to make such a trade; The willingness to continue taking such potent, strength depleting medications in exchange for the reassurance that one's own mind will not turn against itself so fiercely on a regular basis. This is sometimes hard for someone in a relationship to understand, particularly since so many remnant symptoms do not disappear with the medication. It is a hard bargain not to become totally, instantly well when one must regulate one's life with a concoction that both saves you and weakens you.
A great many brilliant and productive people have bipolar disorder. It is treatable, and one of the best treatments is to have a good friend. It is not necessary to sacrifice your whole life to the demands of bipolar disorder, but it is worth some creative effort to make life more bearable for your relationship. Like any relationship, it takes work and is worth it.
I know this has been a long blog, and I am sorry but this is something that I hope you can learn from and see it is possible to have a relationship with someone as long as you are willing to work on it.
Dusitn P.
Sam S.
This is going to get a little personal for me because I have to tell you about my personal relationships. So here it goes.
This is from my side of the story, my fiance will tell you hers later.
Two years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, and Borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately these disorders, have negative effects on my relationships, and they have a tendency to play off of each other. Let me say this before I go on with the story. I love Sam with all of my heart and soul, and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.
With the bipolar disorder, my moods switch alot from highs to lows, from depressed to happy, and happy to anger, and so on. I try not to take out anything on Sam but when i am going through an episode, I say or do things that make Sam feel bad, or that she did something wrong, and she hasn't. And honestly I don't try to but this does happen and it happens alot. Not only that but, I tend to do stupid things when I go through my episodes, some of the things I do is spending sprees, not sleeping, self-injurious behaviors(I use Sam's hand and arm for that, normally just playing around. But it makes her feel bad) when we had a car, Road rage, crazy driving. she deals with my suicide ideation that i have do to this. It goes on and on.
As for my Borderline, that brings in a whole different problem. And I hate to admit this, and Sam knows this. Now listen up, I love Sam and I know with my heart and logical mind that she would never do this. However my borderline side says, Sam is cheating on me, she does not love me, she is plotting against me, she thinks i am fat and ugly, that i am a screw up, why am i with him. I can find someone better. The worst part for me is this I love Sam with all my heart and soul, and I trust Sam, but only to a certain extent, some has to do with the illness and some has to do with the past.
One of the symptoms that come with bpd is you rush into relationships, and we did. But for us it worked. It is a daily struggle, we fight and she is willing to learn about it and do whatever it takes to make it work.
Another thing I have noticed, that I do, is sometimes I have a hard time validating her feelings, because to me the things she is going through is not a problem. In my head I am thinking you haven't seen anything. Try walking in my shoe's in the past then come talk to me. But I have come to realize with the help of the people that help me and in my research, that it may not be a big deal to me, but to Sam it is. I have to remember to validate her feelings. This is really hard for me sometimes because for the most part I have a lack of feelings, I don't feel things the way "normal" people do. So it is a struggle and a strain, but we still push through it. We love each other and I know that.
Now Sam is going to take over, and after she is done I will put in what professional say, I will not put the statistics down because I don't like the negative. Well here she is.
This part is written by Sam
Hello!!
I'm Sam as you all know and found out. I have only three mental illnesses. They are Depression, Anxiety and ADHD. To me they aren't as major as what Dustin has but they are still up there.
Living with someone that has Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder is a daily struggle. As Dustin said it has its ups and downs. Especially when Dustin gets into his moods. I am still learning when he is in his moods. I learned so far that when he is quiet he is either thinking or in one of his depressed stages, either A) I leave him alone to think or B) Find out what is going on and try to talk to him. Now when he is Angry i know just to let him think it through and than when he is done thinking it through that he will come talk to me about it.
With Dustin's Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is honestly something I don't like. I hate knowing that he thinks that I don't want him, that I don't love him, that he think that I think he looks ugly (which he doesn't, he looks very handsome to me!!). Some days I have to remind him of that and I have no problem telling him that I am never going to leave him and that he looks handsome. We have a thing we say to each other and it is "Your stuck with me!" but one of us always replies "I'm not stuck its willing!" For me that always makes me smile and it does the same for him. I try my best to make sure he knows that I am not going anywhere and that I love him and only him.
I know that he doesn't try to hurt me (nothing is ever physical hurt, just so you know) but sometimes the things that he says or the acting that he does hurts me and I don't like it but i also have to realize that it is a part of his mental illnesses. When he sees the look on my face that I get when he says something that hurts me he know right away that that wasn't the thing to say. To be honest I am a person that does get hurt easily because I take things seriously sometimes and I take it personal. Like when he is mad at the dog perhaps and I ask him something and he kind of snaps at me. Its not that I did anything wrong but its because he was/is angry at the dog.
It isn't easy living with someone that has both BPD and Bipolar. Its a daily struggle and with me my depression doesn't help. There are days that I just want to stay home and not face the world because of it and Dustin wants to go do something but I make him sad when I tell him I don't want to go with or don't want to go period. I don't like making him feel bad because I am always scared that I will put him in his state of depression and I honestly don't want to do that. I like it when he is happy and smiling. There are also days that I have that are like Dustin's. I will have days that I have to be reminded on why he is with me because I think that there is someone better than me, someone that is more experienced in the mental health field than I am and he could relate better with, someone that is prettier than me, smarter than me and so on and so on.
But Dustin and I (i think) balance each other out enough to where its not a easy relationship but its not hard either. I love Dustin with all my heart and I know that he loves me.
If you are willing to work on the relationship and not give up on it, then it just might work out like Dustin and I. It is possible because we work on it every day, we are going to counseling and we are just taking it one day at a time.
Sam is right, we have to take this one day at a time, when you live with someone that is bpd or bipolar it is a struggle. But don't give up there is hope with love, and alot of hard work, and counseling it can work.
I am going to give you some stuff from professionals just to put some stuff in prospective. Here it is....
This is from about.com
BPD relationships are often chaotic, intense, and conflict-laden. This can be especially true for romantic BPD relationships. Many people have been hurt in their romantic relationships with borderline personality partners, but others have found a way to make the relationships work.
If you are considering starting a relationship with someone with BPD, or are in one now, you need to educate yourself about the disorder and what to expect. If you have been diagnosed with BPD, it can be helpful to think about how your symptoms have affected your romantic relationships.
Romantic BPD Relationships and Symptoms
One of the core features of BPD is the presence of serious interpersonal problems. People with BPD tend to have intense, unstable relationships, characterized by frequent wavering between strong clinginess/dependency and sudden withdrawal. In addition, many of the symptoms of BPD (e.g., suicidal gestures, impulsive behavior) are extremely frustrating and scary for romantic partners, and can introduce more stress into the relationship.To learn more about the variety of ways that BPD can affect all kinds of relationships, see this article titled “Borderline Relationships: Understand the Impact of BPD Symptoms.”
Research on Romantic BPD Relationships
Research has confirmed that people with BPD tend to have very stormy romantic relationships characterized by a great deal of tumult and dysfunction. For example, one study demonstrated that women with BPD symptoms reported greater chronic relationship stress and more frequent conflicts. In addition, the more severe of person’s BPD symptoms are, the less satisfaction their partners report.Research has also shown that BPD symptoms are associated with a greater number of romantic relationships over time, and a higher incidence of unplanned pregnancies in women. Individuals with BPD also tend to have more former partners and tend to terminate more relationships in their social networks than patients without personality disorders — this suggests that romantic relationships with people with BPD are more likely to end in a break up.
It is important to note, however, that these types of problems are not exclusive to BPD. People with many different types of personality disorder symptoms report problems in their romantic relationships. However, it is clear that people with BPD struggle in their romantic relationships.
Starting a Romantic Relationship with Someone With BPD
Given all the difficulties that exist in BPD relationships, why would anyone start a relationship with someone with BPD? First, it is important to remember that despite these intense and disruptive symptoms, people with BPD are frequently good, kind, and caring individuals. Often they have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time.In addition, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD talk about how fun, exciting, and passionate a BPD partner can be. Many people are drawn to a BPD partner precisely because people with BPD have intense emotions and strong desire for intimacy.
BPD Relationships and Sex
Impulsive sexuality is one of the symptoms of BPD, and many people with BPD struggle with issues of sexuality. In addition, a large percentage of people with BPD experienced childhood sexual abuse, which can make sex very complicated.Research has shown that women with BPD have more negative attitudes about sex, are more likely to feel pressured into having sex by their partner, and are more ambivalent about sex, than women without BPD. Unfortunately no research has been done on sexuality in men with BPD.
Can You Make a Romantic BPD Relationship Last?
Most BPD relationships go through a honeymoon period. People with BPD will often report that at the beginning of a new romantic relationship they put their new partner “on a pedestal” and sometimes feel they have found their perfect match, a soul mate who will rescue them from the emotional pain (a kind of thinking called “idealization.”)This honeymoon period can be very exciting for the new partner too. After all, it is really nice to have someone feel so strongly about you, and to feel as if you are needed.
Problems start to arise, however, when reality sets in. When a person with BPD realizes that their new partner is not faultless, that image of the perfect (idealized) soul mate can come crashing down. Because people with BPD struggle with dichotomous thinking, or seeing things only in black and white, they can have trouble recognizing the fact that most people make mistakes even when they mean well. As a result, they may quickly go from idealization to devaluation (or thinking that their partner is a horrible person).
The key to maintaining a relationship with someone with BPD is to find ways to cope with these cycles (and to encourage your BPD partner to get professional help to reduce these cycles). Sometimes partners in a BPD relationships are helped by couples therapy.
The effects of bipolar disorder in relationships
It would be very idealistic and oversimplified to say that a relationship with a person with bi-polar disorder is the same as having a relationship with a non-afflicted person, but this is not the case. Bi-polar disorder brings with it a myriad of symptoms which tend to complicate communications. The manic highs or more prevalent depressed lows can be misunderstood for problems within the relationship unless both parties remember and remind each other that bipolar disorder plays havoc with moods and may be the cause of onset of discord. Whether the relationship is professional, platonic, or intimate, it may possibly be touched in every aspect by issues brought on by bi-polar disorder, even if the affected party is medicated and stable.
Unlike ordinary mood swings, bipolar disorder is a serious mood disorder, and the highs and lows are not fleeting but can last for weeks or months and seriously impair ability to function, hurt your job, impair school performance, and damage relationships. It is treatable, but medications do not totally eradicate the symptoms and they do have side effects of their own. A person in a relationship with a bipolar (formerly known as manic depressive) person, should educate themselves about the disorder in general and about their friends condition in particular, if it is appropriate, and the affected person wants to share this information. In a close or intimate friendship it is essential to know as much as possible about the one suffering with bipolar, to avoid misunderstandings and to help him or her realize when their illness may be causing problems and they don't have the insight to realize it. Long silences can be misread as anger, when actually, the bipolar person may just be feeling introspective or tired because of the medication. Or a sudden spree of careless spending may indicate an episode of upcoming mania, which is well worth watching out for in case a change of medication is required.
A real friend must understand that the potent cocktail of medications the bipolar person takes has usually been constructed over years or months especially for him or her. These medications may seem like a stumbling block, in that the person with bipolar-disorder may be sleepy frequently or, unfortunately, may experience symptoms such as weight gain or a lack of energy. The patient is aware of these side effects, too, if he is having them, and he definitely hates feeling like that more than you hate seeing him that way. But consider the trade off he has been willing to make; the mental anguish that would drive a person to make such a trade; The willingness to continue taking such potent, strength depleting medications in exchange for the reassurance that one's own mind will not turn against itself so fiercely on a regular basis. This is sometimes hard for someone in a relationship to understand, particularly since so many remnant symptoms do not disappear with the medication. It is a hard bargain not to become totally, instantly well when one must regulate one's life with a concoction that both saves you and weakens you.
A great many brilliant and productive people have bipolar disorder. It is treatable, and one of the best treatments is to have a good friend. It is not necessary to sacrifice your whole life to the demands of bipolar disorder, but it is worth some creative effort to make life more bearable for your relationship. Like any relationship, it takes work and is worth it.
I know this has been a long blog, and I am sorry but this is something that I hope you can learn from and see it is possible to have a relationship with someone as long as you are willing to work on it.
Dusitn P.
Sam S.
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